no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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