She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We need to get me chipped asap
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
