trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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