i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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