The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
