It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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