I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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