After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
