This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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