We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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