Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
