Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
