Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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