oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
