Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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