No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
