Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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