She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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