He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
