So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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