on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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