so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
