just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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