I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
