i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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