She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
