we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He has the fingertips of a God
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize