A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
