My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
