I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
it hurts more in the daytime
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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