I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
