Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize