I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
