it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
