About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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