I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
