Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
