Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
