I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
