i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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