We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
