i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
