You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
