saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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