i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
