yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
