I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
