you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Randomize
