apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
