She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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