never play flip cup with pint glasses
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
