You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize