And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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