This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
