dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
