Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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