is your mom at the bar?
babies were throwing up all over the place
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
