Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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