I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
is that a dick in a sweater?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
