Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
