Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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