hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
