One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
