CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
